so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
