Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
