dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
