I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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