Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
barbara walters just said penis...
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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