i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
