I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
