he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Someone shit on the floor
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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