WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
