the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
