She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
