OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
