Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
