Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
