Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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