I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i just had sex bonerless
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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