And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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