Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
