There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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