Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
