never play flip cup with pint glasses
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
