I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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