I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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