At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
