You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
