After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
