my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Congratulations! We have a period
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