nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
that may or may not have been my penis.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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