No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
