I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I think I sprained my soul last night
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
