I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Randomize
