Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
