worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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