Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
