only if we run a train.
done.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
