You smell like stripper and shame
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
