Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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