If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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