I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
