he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Randomize
