i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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