just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Text me some of your sweat
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
