i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
