omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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