she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
