Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
