I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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