just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
