Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
God, I missed his penis.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
