I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
