At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
