when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
