so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
