matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
